literature, Mental health

Deskraven Book Series: No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One

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A Deskraven Book Review

“On December 16, 1989, my husband had been unable to survive a similarly harsh winter, killing himself in the waning light of a late Saturday afternoon. My once-familiar world exploded with his suicide; in an instant, the life we had built together during our marriage of twenty-one years ended, without discussion or time for goodbyes.”

Page 5, Paragraph 2

When I first spotted Carla Fine’s No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One (1997) in the psych section of Barnes&Noble, I scoffed in disbelief. After all, how could anyone possibly articulate what suicide does to the human condition? I found this to be an important question, and one that inevitably lead to an answer. As a survivor of suicide and of close kin to mental illness, the literature was deeply aligned with my own heart. Because of this, it took me an exceptionally long while to navigate its 224 pages. I found myself walking away in ten page intervals with shock, anger and moments of clarity. While the pathology of suicide is a common topic on my bookshelf, I was surprised and enlightened by Fine’s emotional approach and generous helping of real personal development. I found her work to be in high contrast to the cold clinical literature I often find myself reading. Rather than checking those rigid question boxes, Fine walks us gently through the bizarre and often senseless grief suicide can bring while offering tangible solutions. This collaborative narrative offers long overdo validation while prioritizing the phenomenon of post-traumatic growth through shared loss. It was remarkably difficult to find more information on this author, but you can learn more about her work and speaking engagements by visiting her website.

CONTENTS

PART ONE: INTRODUCTION

1. Letting Go of Silence

PART TWO: THE SUICIDE

2. The World Explodes

3. The Initial Impact

4. The Final Farewell

5. The Stigma

PART THREE: THE AFTERMATH

6. The Blame and Guilt: Searching for the Whys

7. The Helplessness: Haunted by the What-Ifs

8. The Roller Coaster of Emotions

9. Legal and Financial Problems

PART FOUR: THE SURVIVAL

10. Beginning the Mourning

11. Effect on Families

12. Getting Help

13. The Public Suicide

14. Long-term Effects

15. Forgiving Them/Forgiving Ourselves

PART FIVE: AFTERWORD

16. Making Sense of the Chaos

PART SIX: RESOURCES

17. Organization and Resource Material

18. Support Groups for Survivors

19. Bibliography

PRAISE FOR NO TIME TO SAY GOODBYE

“I know of no other work on this subject that is so comprehensive and rich in exposition…a work of hope and great love for those who have killed themselves and those whom they leave behind. This is a must-read for all psychiatrists and their patients.”

-Michael F. Myers, M.D., American Journal of Psychiatry

“Powerful…vividly honest…offers hope in its summary of predictable patterns of adjustment.”

-Library Journal

“Our society’s inability to deal with suicide and survivors is articulated in a way that will benefit all…Perhaps if everyone could read this book, the suicide rate and our social inappropriateness to survivors would change.”

-Frank Campbell, President, American Association of Suicidology

FINAL THOUGHTS

The variables of suicide are dissimilar than that of a natural death. Thus, the psychological experience of grief is altered significantly and demands careful attention. Providing a message of wisdom and hope, No Time to Say Goodbye is an excellent tool for those of us still grappling in the dark. Due to the social stigma and isolation of suicide I thought it especially important to share this work. May it push you to ask those difficult self-seeking questions, and restructure your thinking on the lives of those who are touched by the untimely loss of a loved one.

VISIT OTHER DESKRAVEN BOOK REVIEWS

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog – and Other Stories From a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook

Prozac Nation

IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE IS IN NEED OF ASSISTANCE IN CRISIS INTERVENTION PLEASE CALL THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE

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**If you’re a mental health survivor or mental health provider and want to tell your story – please email me at contact@deskraven.com!**

For more excellent insight and entertainment through a collaborative approach to all things mental health, including a guest post from yours truly, visit the Blunt Therapy Blog by Randy Withers, LPC! For additional perspectives on suicide prevention from master level mental health providers visit, 20 Professional Therapists Share Their Thoughts on Suicide!

In collaboration with Luis Posso, an Outreach Specialist from DrugRehab.com, Deskraven is now offering guides on depression and suicide prevention to its readers. For more information on understanding the perils of addiction visit, Substance Abuse and Suicide: A Guide to Understanding the Connection and Reducing Risk! In addition, for a comprehensive depression resource guide from their sister project at Columbus Recovery Center visit, Dealing with Depression!