“One person may really feel that getting justice, coming out, and not hiding is necessary and a part of their healing. Some feel that exposing the perpetrator is helpful, whereas others feel quite the opposite.”
, Thrive Therapy & Counseling
Welcome back! It appears this Trauma Confession Series is reaching many of you in need. I want you to know that I am eternally grateful to have my hand held in this corridor through the loving words, affirmations, and encouragement of so many of you. Thank you, Readers.
As indicated in the above quote, choosing disclosure versus non-disclosure when faced with abuse of any kind is an extremely personal and consequential decision. Many resources encourage you to write a pros and cons list before making a decision since each individual’s suffering is relative to their own set of circumstances and support systems. For me, I believe it is paramount that I not only name my abusers publicly, but that I also inform them of the memories, the cost, and the aftermath of the abuse. Confrontation is not only about awareness, but taking back the power. This is significant because many instances of abuse, especially sexual assault, hinge on this shifting control dynamic. Now that I’ve decided to expose my story, how will I go about it? Why must I go about it?
There are many ways to confront another human being in their wrongdoing. You may choose to write a letter, engage in a verbal conversation, speak over the phone, or record a video. In my opinion, the method is not as important as the execution. Some might openly disagree with me and say that the last thing a monster deserves is tactful communication and grace. However, I believe this is important for two reasons. One, it allows you to lead by example in terms of how one should carry their anguish when engaging others. Second, this display of character, regardless of how it is received, allows you to show your abuser just how much you’ve gained back despite being derailed by inexplicably horrific circumstances. Processed grief is highly sophisticated, and generally more impactful than flailing with open wounds. Therefore, it is important to allow yourself due process so you can execute confrontation from a position of strength, rather than victimization. That said, I think writing letters will suit me best. It will provide the pause necessary to say exactly what I intend to in a way that is highly personal.
Some survivors of abuse may deeply struggle with the notion of confrontation, ultimately choosing not to. That’s fine for them, but not for me. In general, I am a highly passive introverted individual so confrontation is always to be circumvented. However, this is an exception since abuse is a violation of self, predators thrive on avoidance
, and wholeness will always supersede public opinion. Additionally, I know for a fact that in at least one of these cases, my perpetrator favored other young girls as well. This tells me that I am not the only one, and swells in me a rage there are no words for. While I will never be responsible for the choices of others, I am obligated to speak openly about it due to the very nature of my being, and my passion for crisis prevention. Ultimately, my theory is that this encounter will bring my trauma full circle so I can very simply, let it go
Finally, if you take nothing else from this post then take this:
When navigating the waters of abuse confrontation, you do not have the luxury of expectation. Let me say that again.
You do not have the luxury of expectation.
Many people often hope highly of their interactions with others when faced with serious subject matter. These false aspirations may drip with fantasy dialogue, or the response you needed as a child but never received, or silver-tongued apologies. Not only is this rare and unrealistic, you may even find yourself faced with blatant denial, social consequences, or additional abuse. You may receive nothing at all, and you have to prepare for that. So, you must articulate what you want to say with tact, understand how and why this will take place, and drop all glittery wet dreams of reconciliation or remorse.
Next week, the final chapter of this series will be published in two parts. I will feature the confrontation letters, and coach you through the resolution so that we may finally
be free from our childhood nightmares.
**If you’re a mental health survivor or mental health provider and want to tell your story – please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org!**
For more excellent insight and entertainment through a collaborative approach to all things mental health, including a guest post from yours truly, visit the Blunt Therapy Blog by Randy Withers, LPC!
For additional perspectives on suicide prevention from master level mental health providers visit, 20 Professional Therapists Share Their Thoughts on Suicide!
In collaboration with Luis Posso, an Outreach Specialist from DrugRehab.com, Deskraven is now offering guides on depression and suicide prevention to its readers. For more information on understanding the perils of addiction visit, Substance Abuse and Suicide: A Guide to Understanding the Connection and Reducing Risk!
In addition, for a comprehensive depression resource guide from their sister project at Columbus Recovery Center visit, Dealing with Depression!