Tonight I experienced an overflowing of the heart.
So often when we fall in love we forget to remember the ripple effect it has. We tend to be dismissive toward small acts of kindness. Loving someone means so much more than the individual solitary experience you may feel. It means loving the people they love. It means being simultaneous and intentional in the way we receive the affections of others who may be extensions of our loved ones. It means being willing to take the good with the bad, and hoping full heartedly that there is more good than bad.
This week I entered into the first holiday season with the woman I love, and the outpouring of wisdom and acceptance I have experienced has renewed in me a healing where before there was a gaping hole. Her ability to share her family with me frees me time and time again from the decades I felt as though I was chained under the sea.
Sometimes, the art of conversation is enough as it ushers us into a mutual understanding strong enough to spare us pain.
Sometimes, their hurt becomes your hurt, and their joy becomes your joy, no matter how far the great divide may have lead you astray.
Sometimes, a familiar stranger reminds you for the umpteenth time of your capacity to love with complete empathy, and accept love in return without question.
Sometimes, you meet someone who reminds you of the way love ought to be despite your own growing tragedies.
Sometimes, you meet someone who inspires you to love your children with the fervent convictions that day dreams are made of.
Sometimes, mankind cries toward balconies in drunken song decorated with the women they love, and it reminds you of how beautiful music can be when your walls crumble.
Sometimes, when humanity fails you, you are reminded by your favorite authors of how you may find yourself faced with the most ancient of human conditions, facing the cold stone blows alone with nothing to guide you but your heart and your own head – and you are reminded how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong, but to feel strong.
Sometimes, you pour water into your wine because you want the sober moments to last longer.
Tonight, I am grateful for my capacity to feel despite so much hardship.
Tonight, I am reminded of every single opportunity I had to leap from the edge, of every pain staking sleepless night spent crying in my room alone – abused, abandoned and fearful – of how I could have so easily missed the mark.
Tonight, I am in awe of how I can close my eyes and see a love so bright and blinding that I suddenly feel the soul cries of all those guitar solos I wish I could create myself.
Tonight, I remain grounded by those with great capacities to pour into me – and I am so fucking grateful for this motion.
Tonight, I write a love letter to myself and hope to high heaven that I remember this change coming my way.
**If you’re a mental health survivor or mental health provider and want to tell your story – please email me at email@example.com!**
For more excellent insight and entertainment through a collaborative approach to all things mental health, including a guest post from yours truly, visit the Blunt Therapy Blog by Randy Withers, LPC! For additional perspectives on suicide prevention from master level mental health providers visit, 20 Professional Therapists Share Their Thoughts on Suicide!
In collaboration with Luis Posso, an Outreach Specialist from DrugRehab.com, Deskraven is now offering guides on depression and suicide prevention to its readers. For more information on understanding the perils of addiction visit, Substance Abuse and Suicide: A Guide to Understanding the Connection and Reducing Risk! In addition, for a comprehensive depression resource guide from their sister project at Columbus Recovery Center visit, Dealing with Depression!