Mental health

Understanding Seasonal Depression

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Dear Readers,

For many, the holidays offer a sacred solace from the stressors and isolation of daily life. Designed to help us re-prioritize our promises in good faith, it is the one time of year we are permitted the chance to be with those we love, enjoy good food, and make new memories. Still, we must not forget to remember that this familial warmth can serve as an exacerbation of grief when contrasted by the looming cycles of trauma, loss, and depression. Likewise, this lack of human reflection of our inner truth in our outer world can be a catalyst for worsening an already existing condition through an inflamed sense of vacuity- and the cold dark sure doesn’t help. While in the depths of my own melancholy, it occurred to me to put it to good use by examining the distressing wedge between warm celebration and clinical mental illness.

“A suicidal depression is a kind of spiritual winter, frozen, sterile, un-moving. The richer, softer and more delectable nature becomes, the deeper that internal winter seems, and the wider and more intolerable the abyss which separates the inner world from the outer. Thus suicide becomes a natural reaction to an unnatural condition. Perhaps this is why, for the depressed, Christmas is so hard to bear. In theory it is an oasis of warmth and light in an unforgiving season, like a lighted window in a storm. For those who have to stay outside, it accentuates, like spring, the dis-junction between public warmth and festivity, and cold, private despair.” ~A. Alvarez, The Savage God

While poring over my studies during my formative years in an attempt to soothe my genuine academic fascination with suicidal ideation, it became abundantly clear that this phenomenon most often takes place in the Spring. The Spring tide, arguably one of our most vital and beautiful seasons, reports record numbers of depression and suicide across the globe. This is odd because most people would assume an unforgiving winter would be the appropriate time of year to wrestle with such impulses. What we are finding, however, is that when one settles into the grips of despairing psychological anguish our ambitions become that of molasses, hindering even our most prominent convictions. The hallmark loss-of-energy associated with depression becomes most pervasive, often leaving us unable to put our thoughts into actions. It is not until the sun returns to melt the snow that we realize that the imprisonment of winter is an unacceptable condition for any living thing, and our movement returns. Sometimes referred to as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), the four divisions of the year have been significant contributors to the episodic nature of mood disorders, and often serve as a writer’s metaphor for the condition.

“The river was opulence, radiance, sparkle, and shine, a rippling radiance dancing light’s dances; And the birds flew, soared, darted, perched, perched and whistled, dipped or ascended. Like a ballet of black flutes, an erratic and scattered metamorphosis of the villages of stillness into the variety of flying; The birds were as a transformation of trunk and branch and twig into the elation which is the energy’s celebration and consummation!

It was difficult, then, to believe -how difficult it was and how painful it was to believe in the reality of winter. Beholding so many supple somersaults of energy and deathless feats of super exuberant vitality, all self-delighting. Arising, waving, flying, glittering, and glistening as if in irresistible eagerness.

Seeking with serene belief and undivided certainty, love’s miracles, tender, or thrashing, or thrashing towards tenderness boldly. It was necessary to think of pine and fir, of holly, ivy, barberry bush and icicle, of frozen ground, and of wooden tree, white or wet and drained. And of the blackened or stiffened arms of elm, oak and maple. To remember, even a little, that existence was not forever.

May and the beginning of summer: It was only possible to forget the presence of the present’s green and gold and white flags of flowering May’s victory, summer’s ascendancy and sovereignty. By thinking of how all arise and aspire to the nature of fire, to the flame-like climbing of vine and leaf and flower, and calling to mind how all things must suffer and die in growth and birth, to be reborn, again and again and again, to be transformed all over again.”

~Delmore Schwartz

The fact is depression is a book of lies, but when you’re in the thick of it- all you know for certain is that everything hurts and you want it to stop. Due to my own research on the topic I can understand depression in a way that allows me to separate myself from the symptoms, but it doesn’t change or reduce the intensely abrasive irritability, my inability to calculate joy, or the fluctuations of tear-filled grief and utter indifference.

Depression is free from the traditional requirements of circumstance and explanation. True sorrow is a unique monster that those without are then faced with, and often fail to fathom accurately or with genuine remorse.

Forgive them.

Take the opportunity to gently inform and educate. Remind them that the sense of community surrounding the new year can further isolate those living with a glowing shift in temper. Check in on your friends and loved ones this holiday season. Be sure to take them in and truly take their inventory. You might be surprised by those who reveal to be talented actors.

**If you’re a mental health survivor or mental health provider and want to tell your story – please email me at contact@deskraven.com!**

For more excellent insight and entertainment through a collaborative approach to all things mental health, including a guest post from yours truly, visit the Blunt Therapy Blog by Randy Withers, LPC! For additional perspectives on suicide prevention from master level mental health providers visit, 20 Professional Therapists Share Their Thoughts on Suicide!

In collaboration with Luis Posso, an Outreach Specialist from DrugRehab.com, Deskraven is now offering guides on depression and suicide prevention to its readers. For more information on understanding the perils of addiction visit, Substance Abuse and Suicide: A Guide to Understanding the Connection and Reducing Risk! In addition, for a comprehensive depression resource guide from their sister project at Columbus Recovery Center visit, Dealing with Depression!

Lifestyle, Mental health

Gratitude is the Guardian of Your Joy

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Dear Readers,

I am not a particularly religious person. I prefer to think of myself as spiritual rather than assign myself a religious label. Instead, I prefer to take the good from all of the major pillars of religion and apply it to my life in a practical way. Unlike most, I am okay with the not knowing. Occasionally, I will experience a thirst for knowledge and attend church for my sheer love of lectures, philosophies, and human understanding. On one of these days, the pastor’s wife stood at the podium and said these words, “Gratitude is the guardian of your joy.” -And it stuck.

These seven words of wisdom highlighted my genuine understanding of fundamental happiness. If we can be grateful, then we can shift our perspective just enough to glean some positivity from a painful situation because gratitude suggests choice. Therefore, there seems an intrinsic link between happiness and choice. As Thanksgiving approaches, these words sit with me still. More so since I am sitting in the unknown of unemployment- one of the most infamous stressors for any young family. So, perhaps a little self-examination will do me well, and help someone else along the way.

6 Things I am Grateful For & the Why:

1.) My Family.

My family dynamic has never been conventional, and so my definition isn’t either. I have had many unions and separations with men and women. One of these was fortunate enough to have produced a child. His father and I are no longer together although we maintain a loving and respectful relationship despite our differences. Somehow, the family we build becomes our own, having less and less to do with blood. There is so much value in the blending of differences, re-definition in the face of traditionalism, and the daily choice.

2.) My Home.

For most of my life I lived with others. I had boyfriends, girlfriends, roommates, friends who never left, and family to take me in. It wasn’t until my divorce that I was faced with the heat of a Texas August, and the choice to provide for myself independent of the provisions of others. I was not without help, of course. Now, almost two years later, the apartment I live in is mine, the bills I pay are mine, the car I drive is mine, the books on my shelf, the clothes on my back, and the food in my pantry is mine. The fear and the responsibility is my own, and the reward all the greater.

3.) My Health.

I am 29 years old and while not in perfect health, my chronic pain and mental health conditions pale by comparison to those I know and love with chronic medical ailments. Having been a caregiver much too soon, I have had a front row seat to the way illness can run amok on individuals, families, and bank accounts. While I would consider my functionality level below that of a typical twenty-something, I still balance the choice to get out of bed each morning.

4.) My Son.

Most people insinuate their children are their life, and it is probably perfectly true. However, my son saved mine and that is a fact. As a young woman, I was in the grips of horrendous grief and madness. My mind, body, and soul were dripping with chemicals and hell bent on fast tracking my self-destruction for a solid five years prior. I made a series of repetitively bad choices in great succession of one another if not to end my life through intent, then through sheer negligence and a complete lack of self-care. I was never malicious toward others. I was simply flailing through pain with zero guidance due to my own lack of language. My pregnancy taught me preservation of self for the sake of someone else, and forced me into fearless maturity. It taught me the choice of good health and good company, safety and security, and my full-time preoccupation with the truth.

5.) My Cat.

Pets provide a strange relationship free from circumstance or condition, one you may even be quick to resent. But if you look hard enough, you’ll notice that our domestic companions await eagerly each day for nothing more than our company and good graces. They misbehave, damage our over-priced goods, and cry into the night. And yet- there remains a middle ground where our choice to care for them meets the purity of their friendship and promised love.

6.) My Diagnoses.

I live with three major mental health conditions. It is something that has taken me all my young life to understand and manage wisely. Human suffering is universal, and therefore, has the power to inform. Suffering teaches compassion, empathy, and gratitude for the boring and mundane through shared experiences of loss and abuse. Suffering provides perspective when the unexpected uproars happen, giving you the strength and reassurance that it could always be worse. It gives us art, boundaries, and grace. Illness gives us the choice to victimize ourselves by ceding to self-absorbed unhappiness and self-medication, or to assign pain a function through self-love and recognition, to release it from its all consuming vanity, and serve those in need.

So it seems this free-association piece has secured my livelihood by circumventing my subconscious, and coming full circle on the reoccurring theme of choice.

What is guarding your joy this holiday season?

**If you’re a mental health survivor or mental health provider and want to tell your story – please email me at contact@deskraven.com!**

For more excellent insight and entertainment through a collaborative approach to all things mental health, including a guest post from yours truly, visit the Blunt Therapy Blog by Randy Withers, LPC! For additional perspectives on suicide prevention from master level mental health providers visit, 20 Professional Therapists Share Their Thoughts on Suicide!

In collaboration with Luis Posso, an Outreach Specialist from DrugRehab.com, Deskraven is now offering guides on depression and suicide prevention to its readers. For more information on understanding the perils of addiction visit, Substance Abuse and Suicide: A Guide to Understanding the Connection and Reducing Risk! In addition, for a comprehensive depression resource guide from their sister project at Columbus Recovery Center visit, Dealing with Depression!